Relationships often end in a whirlwind of doubt and bitter accusation. You probably said a few things you didnt mean, and she fought back. Now that youve had a little bit of time to think about whats been lost, you know you want her back. Heres how to do that.
Steps
Part 1: Get Your Life Back Together
1. Get your life back on track.
So youve been in a relationship for some time, and maybe your girlfriend has just broken it off. Its a sad and lonely time for you right now, but focus on the things you can change about yourself before you move back on to her. - Girls want to see self-improvement from guys. Maybe your girlfriend complained about something you did while you two were in your relationship. Maybe theres something that you know you can improve simply because it will make you a better person. Well, nows the time to strike. Cut your video game playing down to a reasonable time, if thats what she wants, or start wearing cleaner clothes when youre around her. If you focus on being a better person while apart, you can go back to her with the "evidence" that youre a new guy.
- Recover emotionally. You dont stand a chance of getting your ex back if youre not emotionally calm and controlled. Women dislike needy, clingy, desperate men - so you need to pull your own life together before attempting to draw her back into it. Like it or not, showing her that you can deal with life on your own will attract her back to you. Thats because girls like men who are self-sufficient and independent. So go out to the gym, visit the movies with friends, or start an adventure. If youre having a great time, shell want to be there with you.
- Get some new clothes. New times call for new duds. Its a subtle change in you, but the importance will be clear to her: your new outer shell will signal deeper changes underneath. Get that new shirt that youve been wanting to buy, or those new pair of jeans. Looking sharp is an important aspect of physical attraction, and if she sees you looking great in unfamiliar clothes, shell sense that theres been forward movement, if not wholesale change.
2. Get the right attitude. Getting your ex-girlfriend back starts with finding the right attitude. Girls, for the most part, want to see mature, independent guys who like to have fun and know what theyre good at. We know thats a lot to work, so start small if youre feeling overwhelmed.
- Stop being jealous. Being jealous will get you nowhere. Jealousy is associated with fear and anxiety, two unattractive traits to have. Plus, what youre non-verbally telling her is that you want to control her. No one wants to be controlled. So learn to fight your jealousy if you can, and focus on being non-threatening. Youll get more bees with honey than you will with vinegar.
- Act like nothing is wrong. Even if your guts are tumbling like clothes in a washing machine, try not to let her know. Shes probably not going to want you back if youre acting depressed, mopey, or sulky. Make sure youre laughingand genuinely trying to have a good time. You might find that youve become a happier person along the way. If you are feeling depressed, surround yourself with friends or family. Dont wait alone in a corner and just hope for her to come back to you.
- Develop a playful sense of humor. What do girls say they look for most in guys? A sense of humor and a playful attitude. These two traits are attractive because they tell other people that were youthful and not aggressive. So learn a few jokes if you can (friends are always good to try them out on) and keep the ones that work and throw away the ones that dont. Learn to make fun of yourself a little, in a confident way — not a mopey way. And, for goodness sake, be playful, especially when youre around her. Tease her lovingly, or play a small prank on a friend. Youll notice the difference in her.
Part 2: Set The Stage
1. Leave her alone. At least for a little while, give her some time to think about the relationship. If you had a great relationship, shell think about all the good things that you did for her and feel the absence of you in her life.
- Cut off all communication. Maybe you dont talk to her for a couple weeks, or perhaps a month. This is tough and it will hurt, but really its killing her more. This will also let your tempers cool down if things were heating right when you broke up.
- You need to give her space for three reasons: 1) People simply need space; if you cant give her any space, maybe thats something you can work on to show her that youve changed. 2) Shell get an opportunity to realize how good you are; not that she doesnt know this already, but she may not feel it in her bones. 3) Youll show her how independent you are on your own; the "rebel" is so attractive to women because hes totally on his own and doesnt need other people.
2. Start talking to another girl. Dont do anything with her, but strike up a friendship. You want to raise your own stock by showing her that other girls like you and are attracted to you.
- Dont get this step confused with pursuing another girl. You want to hang out and talk, do fun things together, but not hook up. If you hook up with another girl, your chances of getting back together with your ex are greatly diminished.
- Go out with a group of girls. Show your ex that attentive girls like being around you. These girls will be your wing-women. If you can pull together a big group of popular, intelligent, smart girls, chances are your ex is going to feel more interested, maybe without even noticing it.
3. Tap your inner alpha male. The alpha male, in nature, is the male in a group of primates that has the highest rank, and gets his pick of the females.
- Most girls are attracted to the alpha male for deep biological reasons: They believe he can provide for them better, protect them better, and give her biologically fit children. Even if you dont think that alpha males are your exs type, subtle changes might work on her: pump out your chest a bit, make an effort to work out your arms and thighs, and project strength.
Part 3: Make The Move
1. Give her an apology. Whether you broke up with her, or she broke up with you, an apology is almost always in order. An apology shows her that youre capable of swallowing your ego, and that you care enough to tell her you were wrong. If done correctly, an apology will work wonders.
- Send her flowers. Girls love flowers, for reasons men still dont know. They die after a week, and they just sit around gathering dust. Well, odds are your ex probably loves them, because they smell pretty and look good and she gets to show them to her friend and brag about how much someone cares for her. You want to be that someone.
- Send her a letter. Girls also love letters, because they take a lot of time and you have to express your feelings. Start off by saying something like: "I know this letter doesnt fix whats broken between us, and maybe it never will. But I want you to know that I care deeply about you, and I always will. That part has never changed. The part thats changed is that I realize how stupid I was to let you go."
- Tell her in person. Set a time to meet in a public place, or a place that you know shell feel comfortable in. When the time is right, say: "I know I made some mistakes during our relationship, and I wanted to take full responsibility for those. I shouldnt have done [whatever it is you did] to you, and I feel horrible now. But the biggest mistake I made was losing you. I dont expect anything from you, I just want you to know that."
2. Slowly work up to friendship. Maybe some trust was broken in your relationship, and now its time for you to start repairing it. Trust for girls is a big thing. You want to show her that she can trust you again, that you are worthy of her trust.
- Do something nice for her without expecting her to pay you back. If shes studying late for an exam, pop by with her favorite tea or coffee and let her know that you know shes going to kill it tomorrow. If one of her friends gets in an accident, stop by and pay your respects (the friend will definitely let your ex know you stopped by). If your ex mentions she wanted to see a movie, buy her two tickets for her and her friend to see, and dont butt in. Your time will come soon.
- Go out for coffee or tea together. Ride your bikes into town. Hang out at the pool. Have conversations about things both of you find funny, or like talking about. Remember to act confident, be funny, and get that playfulness out so that she can see it.
3. Tell her you still have feelings for her. Once youve apologized and become her friend again, you can finally tell her you want her back. Try to pick a romantic spot to do this, and try to tell her when its just you two. It wont hurt if youre looking your best.
- Be honest about how you feel, within reason. Dont tell her what she might have done wrong in the relationship. Instead, focus on you. Let her know that youve thought a lot about where things went wrong, and show her all the ways in which youve changed. Tell her how youve become more patient, more forgiving, more aware of your own shortcomings, and be sure to back it up with action. If you say youve become more forgiving, be able to show her that youre not as quick to point out other peoples faults.
- You can say something like: "After we broke up, I realized I was looking for love in the wrong places. I realized that you gave me exactly what I need, and its really a shame that I had to realize that after we broke up. But I realize it now, and Id be stupid not to try to get you back, because youre exactly what I need."
- Or you can say something like: "You may not like it, but most of what I do now, I do it for you. Youve made a better person. I understand what it means to care for someone now that Ive been with you. I want to share that with you again, this time better. Because I cant deny that I still have feelings for you. Id be lying to myself and lying to the world."
- Assure her that you both can fix the issues that led to your breakup. Remember why you guys broke up in the first place, so you can learn from your own mistakes. Have a plan ready, and discuss that plan with her. Its no use in getting back together if you go through the same issues all over again. If you didnt listen to her feelings enough, be sure that youre listening when you tell her you like her. If you didnt get along with her friends, make an extra effort to get along with them. Have a plan to attack whats likely to go wrong, and youll impress the socks off of her.
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